Introduction to Mindful Erotic Practice (MEP)

MEP is one of the main tools of Somatic Sex Education and Sexological Bodywork for accessing and expanding pleasure. It comes from a long lineage of sex workers and queers who sought to find safe enough ways to tap into conscious arousal - a way of freeing ourselves from our own limitations and patterns on what we think is possible in the world of pleasure and eros. Also, it turns out that the way we self-pleasure often reflects how we feel about ourselves (sometimes consciously and unconsciously), how we treat ourselves, and how fulfilling our lives are.

We often learn to self-pleasure or masturbate in the dark - in very well hidden, isolated places, quite literally under the sheets. We often learn to be really efficient with our self-touch, we create habits around 'getting it over with' or figured out to use self-pleasure to tune out or stress relieve. While all of these things were probably once (and maybe still are) really useful tools - and no shame if you do them - they can limit the ways in which we feel pleasure from the inside. The good news is, through simply practicing pleasure in new and mindful ways we can start to rewire our nervous systems to hold more erotic charge.

"We can effect neuroplastic change by noticing and staying with our pleasure, slowing it down, and enriching it with our attention and commitment. Notice what we are feeling in body and soul. Absorb it. Breathe it in. In this way we gradually change the structure of our brains and develop a neurological allegiance to authentic pleasure." - Caffyn Jesse

You might have explosive orgasms or not cum at all. Your practice might involve your genitals or not at all. Some days might be boring while others are mind altering. There is no right way to wank. What works is what works for you! You might already enjoy a lot of pleasure in your life, and the good news is, there is more to be had. You might experience very little pleasure in your life, and the good news is, you can grow your capacity to feel and enjoy pleasure little by little, day by day.

Now about the practice of MEP....

Principles of Mindful Erotic Practice

*Adapted from Joseph Kramer

* Intention - Whether you intend to practice for 5 minutes or 5 hours, what makes this different than just your go-to wank (even if that's what you end up doing) is being intentional. You can start with an intention in mind, use the daily prompt as part of your intention, pull a tarot card, use inspiration from your life, or sit and listen to your body for what intention might arise. We will practice intention setting together so you can try different ways to arrive at your intention.

*Clear beginning and ending time - It can be helpful to use either a timer, a playlist or some kind of marker to indicate how long you will practice for, and what will let you know you're finished. This way, if your normal habit is just to go until you orgasm, you will likely find different endings or continue to find pleasure post-gasm (maybe other ways to orgasm?). You can also decide to end when you orgasm - remember there is no right way to do this practice.

* Moments of quiet savouring - This is where neuroplasticity really does its magic. In taking a few minutes to rest, do nothing, allow the experience to wash over you, you allow the time for your brain and body to integrate the experience. Think of it like Savasana in yoga. And also maybe its own practice in radical rest.

*Optional principles of practice: - In the original practice, participants are invited to do one or more minute of Kegels or pelvic floor breathing, conscious breathing patterns, self touch, movement, stretching, and/or dancing, sounds, moans, laughter. These, with the exception of the Kegels*, are highly encouraged, but not necessary. You will be invited to try some of these things throughout our time together, but how you make them your own is part of the fun. And don't worry about doing all the things - there is ABSOLUTELY NO PRESSURE to do anything at anytime.

In fact, it is said: pressure is the killer of pleasure.

*A note on Kegels - For a while there was a trend to prescribe Kegels, or pelvic floor contractions, for a variety of things from incontinence to weak orgasms. While they might work for you, I don't blindly suggest them without knowing how tight or relaxed your pelvic floor muscles are already. A lot of us are already on the tighter side due to hours and hours of sitting, sexual trauma, etc. So, do them if you like but also consider getting to your pelvic floor first. There will be a prompt on pelvic massage which will be a good way to find some information about your body.

Why commit to 49 days of practicing pleasure?

In a daily practice, over time, we can start to notice and shift our patterns. Within Capitalism pleasure can feel like the last thing to prioritize; our jobs, our relationships, our patterns can put pleasure on the bottom of the list.

49 days might feel like a lot, but it also builds in time for when you don't feel like it, and the very high chance you probably won't practice everyday. This is a gentle practice, with built in time to do it 'wrong' or 'fail'. HINT: there is no such thing as failure or doing it wrong. Even in not doing it, I'm sure you will notice the patterns that come up to keep you from your practice.

Also, remember the practice might not look the way you think - so it might be easier than you think to commit to a daily practice. In fact, your body might start to crave it.

Connection to the Omer:

In my tradition, this time period (April 6 - May 25th) is associated with a spiritual practice of Counting the Omer. It is a daily practice of verbally counting the days, often with a prayer, and sometimes in connection with a theme. Themes of each week include: Pure Giving; Boundaries; Balance; Eternality; Ephemerality; Bonding; and Manifestation. This 7 week period is considered a potent time of introspection and transformation. It ends with the holiday of Shavuot - the day we 'received' the teaching of The Torah or G-d.

Whether or not your Jewish, you are welcome to lean into this collective energy of growth, spiritual wisdom, and the receiving of your own truth.

Pleasure can be a deeply spiritual practice if you're open to it. We will have some opportunity to practice and discuss this and what that means for each of you. AND no pressure to have or try to have any spiritual experience.