Pleasure Practice Toolbox - aka where to return if you get lost

Below are a series of practices, simple ideas, and suggestions for what to do if you find yourself unsure what to do. They are places to start and places to land. Eventually, you might even have your own tools to add in...

Start with what you know: Consider what already feels good, brings you Joy, is relaxing or enlivening, or even just neutral

Listen for the pull not the push: If pleasure was something you “get to” do or have rather than a “should” what would it look like? “I get to…”

Listen to what is a “no”: Acknowledge & Allow your “no”. Then listen. it will likely lead to a what is a “Yes”

Go Slow: Even slower than you think. any amount of slowing down will help you gauge what is true & present & from there, what could change/be better?

PAUSE: Sometimes you might here me refer to it as the sacred pause. A moment to check in with yourself, whether or alone or in a crowd, make adjustments, change directions, or gather your thoughts. Pausing helps to unwind the enduring pattern - the parts that might try to push through discomfort.

Ask yourself: How could this be 10% better right now? Whatever it is your doing, see if you can do just one thing to make it a little better. Maybe its just adjusting the shape of your body, sipping water, or lighting a candle

Try it with a timer: If you’re not sure if you’ll like it or not, see what 3 minutes shows you - it’s long enough to give you some information & not too long you’ll be conditioning an enduring pattern

Make some sounds: Your voice, your grunts & snorts, sighs & screams can point you in a direction. Be loud, be quiet. Listen.

When in doubt, follow what is weird: what is unexplainable, irrational & seems silly might be just the ticket towards pleasure. Can you allow yourself to experience your own flavor of weird?

Creating a "Nest": Gather a pile of blankets and pillows to bolster you, make it extra cozy, having any toys oils or lubes in hands reach. Find ways to give your body both the support and space it needs to let it know it can receive, it can rest.

What makes you feel safe? Safety is a huge signal to the nervous system that it can stop and enjoy some pleasure. With the exception of those of us get off on scary/dangerous situations (if that's you, that might be something to explore), feeling safe enough is crucial to allowing the body to slow down and enjoy pleasure. Maybe its space you are in, or maybe its helpful to actually remind yourself you are safe. Whatever you need to get there, know that you deserve it.

Music: Music can be a terrific partner - a way to get you in the mood or set a tone. I'll be offering playlists throughout and you may make your own. Consider what songs turn you on - and maybe not even in a traditional 'sexy' way but in an aliveness kinda way?

Nervous System Attunement

Paying attention to our fight, flight, freeze, appease, or dissociate responses is an important part of understanding your learning zone, i.e. where you are able to process what is happening in and around you. 

It might be helpful to notice when you are in your 'window of tolerance' and when you are out. You might be able to tell by your thoughts:

• Are you feeling judgy or like you’re not doing it ‘right’? (fight)
• Is your mind drifting somewhere (flight) 
• Are you feeling sleepy or tired (freeze)
• Are you feeling like you have to do this/get through it (appease) 
• Do you sense your mind is fuzzy or struggling to focus (disassociate)

If you notice any of these thoughts or feelings - feel free to pause or get up, give a little shake or pat your body. There is no need to keep going AND noticing these things is a really good first step towards caring for yourself and your needs.